Symptoms of Low Self Esteem

By Dr. Russell Louis

There are definite symptoms of low self esteem. Here, I’ll focus on the self esteem issues of teenagers, and if you’re a parent what you should be looking out for, and then what you can do about it.

Symptoms of low self esteem:

• Does your teen take things personally often?
• Do they feel like a victim?
• Does your teen place blame elsewhere a lot, often on others but sometimes on themselves?
• Do they seem to complain a lot?
• Do they have body-image problems?
• Do they try to over-control their environment?
• Do they try to be a perfectionist?
• Do they seem like they can’t accept reassurance?
• Do they seem to have lots of headaches or stomachaches?
• Are they prone to accidents?
• Do they express that they’re lost – don’t know what to do with their life or how to do it?

So what can you do if you see any or some of these symptoms of low self esteem in your child?

To start, set a good example. Not just in your behavior, but in your activities.

A good way to start is to write down three things about yourself that make you happy. Do this once a day, and tell your child you’re doing it. Show it to them. Tell them it’s a good way to be happier. If they see it works for you, there’s a good chance they’ll try it. If they don’t try it on their own, ask them to do it with you. Tell them they’re doing you a favor because it’ll be easier for you to do every day if you’re not doing it alone. Once they start, make sure you both keep it up.

Talk things out with your child, especially if they make mistakes. Use these as learning opportunities. Even use the mistakes of others as learning opportunities.

Try to get them to participate in things. Ask them to pick out activities they might want to try. If they don’t want to try any, sign them up for some you think they’ll like. Sometimes you’ll get lucky and they’ll like the activity, and other times they’ll realize you were serious and then ask to take another kind of activity. Don’t give in to their mood of the moment. Many teens have fought over the years to avoid activities, but state later in life how thankful they were that they did do them. Just avoid forcing them into things they genuinely dislike. They’ll feel like they’re being punished.

Physical activity is a must. Not only does it improve physical health, but mental health as well. Again, set a good example. Exercise yourself.

Instill perspective. Teens with low self esteem usually don't have any. So volunteer them to read at a children’s hospital or help at a homeless shelter so they can see that others are not as fortunate. When face to face with others who need help, it often helps us appreciate what we have.

Try new things in life, like a special vacation, or experiment with new restaurants once a month. If you’re in a rut, that rut can be transferred to your children.

In summation, the key is to be observant about your child’s behavior in order to recognize symptoms of low self esteem, and then be proactive in helping them.

For information about a book I recommend on self esteem secrets, click SYMPTOMS OF LOW SELF ESTEEM SECRETS.