Self Esteem Help -- An Interview with a Licensed Family Therapist

Fit-Teen conducted an interview with therapist Paula Leonhauser.

Paula Leonhauser is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice in West Los Angeles. She has co-authored several parenting columns with her husband, Charles Kogon MFT. She may be reached at leonhauser@aol.com. To ask a self-esteem or body image question, click ASK AN EXPERT

FIT-TEEN: Hi, and thank you for doing this interview. First question, what are steps a teen can take to improve their self-esteem?

PAULA: For everyone, self-esteem can be improved by attempting to be the best you can be. This can include taking good care of yourself through healthy habits and exercise; developing a passion for a special interest, such as a musical instrument or sport; and taking pride in looking and feeling your best.

FIT-TEEN: If a doctor tells your teenager that they are not overweight, but they are still not happy with their body, what can a parent do?

PAULA: Most teenagers are not happy with some part of their body, so this discontent is normal. It is probably rooted in the rapid physical changes that occur in adolescence, and the difficult emotional adjustment to this transition.

FIT-TEEN: What are signs parents should look out for regarding low self-esteem?

PAULA: Parents often have a sense as to whether their children think highly of themselves or not. The best thing a parent can do for their childrens' sense of self is to positively support them as unique individuals and provide them with encouragement and praise in their endeavors.

FIT-TEEN: Other kids can sometimes be cruel. What ways are there for a teen to deal with peer teasing?

PAULA: Teens can deal with peer criticism by either ignoring it or confronting it confidently. If they are teased about being short, they can respond, "Why is it so important to you personally, how tall I am? Don't you have any other things to focus on?" It is important for the teen to know that this teasing is often attention-getting behavior. FIT-TEEN: Peer pressure can contribute to many bad habits. How can a parent address this with their teen without alienating them? PAULA: Parents can discuss these concerns openly with their teens explaining why they are concerned and provide them with helpful guidelines. Parents also need to accept that some bad habits will fall into the realm of experimentation, which is usually short-lived and normal in adolescence.

FIT-TEEN: Depression and weight issues are often related. If depression is suspected, what should be done?

PAULA: Depression and weight issues can be related in a variety of ways. The first step is to have a thyroid panel done by your pediatrician or internist to rule out hypothyroidism. Hypothyroidism is a serious condition that runs in families. Its symptoms include weight gain, depression and lethargy. Left unchecked, it can lead to eye disorders and other physical complications. If a depressed teen is using food to comfort or numb themselves, than weight gain would certainly be an outcropping of this behavior. Finding a licensed therapist or psychologist who specializes in teenagers would be the next step. Referrals are easily available through your insurance company or family friends. If it appears that medication would be20of some help, the family would be referred to a psychiatrist.


FIT-TEEN: Is there anything a parent can do when a teen just won’t listen or isn't’t open to any advice or help?

PAULA: Teenagers often don't listen to their parents or want their advice. They will be more open to talking to a counselor or therapist alone about what is bothering them. They also often talk to their friends and use them as sounding boards.

FIT-TEEN: Is there anyway a parent can encourage their child to exercise and be healthier, especially if their teen doesn't’t seem open to it?

PAULA: A parent can reasonably expect their child or teen to participate in both creative and physical extracurricular activities. There is a right match for everyone regarding sports/exercise, based on one's preferences. Swimming, team sports, biking, tennis, running, dancing, and surfing are to name a few. Require that your teen pick an activity and stick with it, taking it a class or semester at a time. The same can be applied to creative outlets such as art, music, and writing.

The key to successful parenting is encouragement and support. Let your teen know you are willing to listen without judgment.

FIT-TEEN: Okay, that wraps things up. Thanks for the great answers!

To ask a self-esteem or body image question, click ASK AN EXPERT

For more info on self esteem issues, read this Fit-Teen article: SYMPTOMS OF LOW SELF ESTEEM